hope i didn't make it awkward as usual

i was thinking this morning about the hug i shared with valerie castile. i don't remember if I was the one to cut the hug off- she hugged me for a long time while i was thanking her for everything she did and i told her how her son was a great guy and he's in a better place now. she seemed really comfortable hugging me and answered back, "yeah." after i said a few different things a few times she replied agreeing with what i was saying and at the end she thanked me for helping and being supportive- so i know she was listening to what i said to her, so i hope i didn't stop the hug too soon/made her feel like i was starting to feel awkward because it was such a long hug because i didn't wanna make her feel bad in any way because she's gone through so much shit and she still is fighting for her son and making scholarships in his name. i'm glad she remembered me (like i said- i just hope it wasn't for bad reasons but i honestly can't think of anything i did that was bad last year OR this year- like i can think of my temper has caused me to do a few times in the past during different situations), i look up to her for going through so much shit and keeping her head up and still helping people. i hope i can be like that because she was throwin down on the dance floor even after all the shit she's been through. she handled things A LOT better than other moms i know of. like i said- i don't understand why some women have children when they're not ready- putting NOT ONLY them through shit but their CHILDREN as well. i don't really think women should be having abortions all the time but they really need to consider the pill or the depo shot to prevent unprepared pregnancies, which i HAVE had BOTH in the past, so it's not like i'm telling other women to do something i wouldn't/haven't done myself.
my damn arms and hands hurt like a bitch, i think it's probably because of muscle tone. i never used to have this trouble because i used to have a baclofen pump (which i DON'T want shoved up my ass again because going in to get it refilled with baclofen every other month was inconvenient as hell and i didn't like having a little box rammed under my rib cage and because i'm so thin- you could see it with my skin covering it plain as day, it actually looked disgusting in my opinion- i had that shit for over 15 years i think). doctors never brought up putting me on regular baclofen PILLS after it was removed. that seems like a more logical solution rather than just relying on a device implanted in someone to send out the SAME medicine which needs to be refilled with the SAME medicine every 2 months- although i think i was told they could replace mine which holds baclofen for 6 months but that's inconvenient as hell going through a damn surgery to put something back in my body that i JUST had removed.